Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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