just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
