Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
