if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
