Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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