i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
