it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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