On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
