My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You smell like stripper and shame
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
