I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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