You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
