I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
