do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
