Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
