As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
