I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
