Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
