u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
