I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
