how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
