I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
