Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
