We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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