i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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