I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i am craving dick and cupcakes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
