i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
