...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
