he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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