where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
