I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
