How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
