are you so shy because you have an std?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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