why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
