Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
