what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
