i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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