I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
