adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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