32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
