he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
