last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
