cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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