fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
