so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
