I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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