what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
