i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
