the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I could fuck to npr.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
