i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
