do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
