Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
