i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
there is glitter all over my balls
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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