So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
