Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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