I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
