I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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