She's JV to your varsity
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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