bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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