Apparently you make a good broom.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
