i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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