When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
