he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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