so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
