i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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