Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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