I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
