nut hugger
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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