like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
